I Get Bitch-Slapped by the Universe

Sometimes, life bites you in the ass.

Yesterday, I got bit in the ass, hard, by life. And not in a good way.

I was happily going about my business--in a great mood, feeling generally good about life--when I decided to take myself to lunch at one of my favorite spots (Clementine--home of the asparagus sandwich.) I had ordered a Greek salad, and was contentedly searching for an empty table when I made eye contact with none other than the Harvard Writer. On a date with someone else. A redhead. Named *ROXY* (really? Yes. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.)

Now, I know what you're thinking...you are thinking, "Well, babe, this is what you get when you date a guy who's into polyamory." And yes, you are correct. This was the deal. But I couldn't help but feel...totally irked. I felt blindsided--this cafe is one of my favorite places in LA...and it just seems wrong that I would run into the Harvard Writer and someone named *ROXY* at Clementine. It's practically a sacred space to me.

Anyway, the best way I can describe it is that a serious cold front came over me the moment I saw him (FORECAST: SUDDEN COLD SPELL WITH A CHANCE OF FROST). I greeted him, feeling totally unlike myself, and introduced myself to Roxy. I was pretty frosty to ole Roxy. And I don't think it was a love-fest on her end of things either. Then she got up to go to the bathroom, leaving me with one sheepish-looking Harvard Writer. We made the most painful small talk known to humankind...and then Roxy returned, and I said sweetly "Well, I'll leave you two to your lunch. Harvard Writer, I think I owe you a phone call...we should talk. I'll call you." And with that, I turned on my (really cute) heels and left.

I had been avoiding ending things with the Harvard Writer because the time never felt quite right to say "Hey, it's been great but the fact that you fuck other people is making me sad, so I don't want to do this anymore." But this was one big bitch-slap from the universe to motivate me to deal with this bullshit. So here I am. In the words of Gwen Stefani, this shit is bananas. But I have learned my lesson: thou shalt not date polyamorists. Period. No ifs ands of buts. I hear ya, universe...loud and clear.