You Can't Have It Both Ways

Apologies for the lapse...I was visiting family this past week, and you know what *doesn't* inspire blogging about your dating/sex life? Visiting your family.

But I'm back. And ready to rock. (Especially since I just bought tickets to the Goldfrapp/Buena Vista Social Club concert. I mean, if that event doesn't require a smokin' hot date, I am not sure what does.)

To catch you up on my date before I left town...let me put it like this: having a relationship with a polyamorist is kind of like eating vegan dessert. I had two vegan desserts on two consecutive nights last week. With a girlfriend, I had a vegan chocolate-banana pie. With the Harvard Writer (who is on one of his weird diets again-despite the fact that he is in no way fat) I had a vegan parfait. And here's my conclusion: there is no such thing as a great dessert that is dairy and sugar-free. I mean, I'm gonna keep it real here: the pie was tasteless and weirdly sweet (agave?) and the parfait was bland and oddly cardboard-like. I was so disappointed. The worst part is that they look like real desserts...but they're not. They are strange, disappointing imitations of real desserts. Which brings me to my next point...

The Harvard Writer is behaving like my boyfriend. And I like it. And this is a big problem. I know you are all asking yourselves, "Why in the world is she keeping him around? Wasn't this supposed to be over months ago? What the hell is going on?" and I have no good response. I mean, it should have been over months ago. And I have been waffling like IHOP. I just can't seem to pull the trigger. We have a lot of conversations about our relationship--but since he's not going to end this, it's up to me and for some reason I'm just not ready. But it's a slippery slope and I know it. And the problem is, you can't have it both ways. I can't let him behave like my boyfriend and also know that he's fucking other people. It's like vegan dessert--it just doesn't work.

I'm not even as angsty as I ought to be about all this--if I were in more emotional pain, I think I'd be ready to pull the trigger. But instead, I'm just rolling with it...looking for a hot date to make out with me at Goldfrapp...and keeping my options open. And avoiding vegan desserts.