Is He A Unicorn?

NEWSFLASH: I'm being set-up with a lawyer who I'll call the Public Defender. From what I can tell, he is smart, kind, and attractive. After over an hour on the phone with him tonight, I also think he is funny, well-read, and delightfully self-aware. Which begs the following question:

IS HE A UNICORN?

Because there's no way that he's a smart, single, straight, well-balanced, employed 31-year-old guy living in the greater LA area who hasn't already been married to an aging Broadway star (see "Domo Arigato, Mr. Gelato") and isn't a total loser committment-phobe (Mr. Chi, and countless others). There is just NO WAY.

I haven't met him face-to-face yet, so I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop; I have lived too long to be without any sort of suspicion that this guy is too good to be true. But regardless, I would like to examine a few potential scenarios in which I get to use some fun legalese with him:

1. We toss around in throes of passion. I cry out "The defense rests!" as the heat of the moment overcomes me and I surrender to his powerful, masculine embrace (did you know that I have a little Danielle Steel in me? Apparently so.)

or

2. We're in the throes (again.) He makes some sort of sexual request, and I say "OVERRULED!" while mounting him like a Kentucky Derby jockey and riding him all the way to victory.

Ahhhh, it's so much fun to imagine these scenarios when the Public Defender still remains a mere figment of my imagination. I am inspired to write a haiku honoring the potential:

AH, tall and handsome
Unicorn I hope you're not--
Too good to be true!

And to top it all off, proving that he might just be too good to be true...he's TOTALLY into food. He doesn't cook, but he loves to eat. Sh-bop, sh-bop. This really could be love (and we haven't even met yet.)